Saturday, May 4, 2013
Fucked up.
Well I really fucked shit up. B hates me now because of what I did, and now I'm starting to question why I even did it. Its so unlike me to want to hurt someone that badly. How the fuck could I actually cut off 3 of his fingers without a moment of hesitation, or remorse. Thinking back to the all the screaming, and blood makes me sick to my stomach. When I was doing it, he even had a look of fear on his face. I've never seen anyone that afraid of me before. And the fact that I could even do it with a smile on my face is the worst part. I remember actually smiling, and laughing as I was doing it. I must have snapped out of it a bit though, because when he got away, I didnt chase him like I wanted to. A single sane thought told me to let him go. No way B will ever forgive me for this one, and that hurts. I've never really had any feelings for anyone before, not even my parents. Hes the first, and only person I care about. And now he hates my guts. Oh god....what have I done....
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Forgiveness is a personal and so unpredictable thing. In any case he needs some time alone to think right now, I'm guessing.
ReplyDeleteKendra, people have done worse things, but the important thing is that you stopped. You let him get away. That matters. Now that you know the warning signs, you can stop before it starts.
Kendra, like Med said, the important thing is that you stopped. Killing in any form will weigh heavily on your conscience. Try to avoid it.
ReplyDeleteAnd let B have some space for now. Every time that S and I have a disagreement, I get more upset when she tries to fix it immediately. Just give him time, if he truly cares, he'll come back.
Stay Safe, Strong, and Sane
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